At every gym in the world there is a certain cast of characters that make use laugh, shake our heads, and sometimes cringe. I have personally seen each one of these characters on various occasions, some on a daily basis. Each of these types is uniquely annoying in their own right. How many of these guys have you seen? Which one annoys you the most?
The Sweaty Behemoth –He’s the guy that you hate to get on the bench after because you slide off from his sweat as soon as you sit down. Gross! Not only did he sweat all over the equipment, but also didn’t have the decency to wipe it down afterwards. If you see this guy, hand him a towel and teach him a thing or two about gym etiquette.
Sir Stank- This guy clearly thinks deodorant is not necessary at the gym. Perhaps he didn’t think he was going to sweat or he thought the other people in the gym have no sense of smell. Either way, this guy is the worst.
The Water Fountain Suckler – Multiple tests by various agencies and universities constantly rank the water fountain nozzle as one of the worst places for germs and bacteria. Even a toilet seat is cleaner and you certainly wouldn’t put your mouth on THAT! If you are absolutely dying of thirst and need to use a public water fountain keep your face at least 2 inches away from the spout.
Mr. Swole Thumbs – This guy is particularly annoying. He is the one that sits there after a set texting, facebooking, and taking #selfies while you wait to get on the equipment. The only thing this guy works out at the gym are his thumbs.
The Chatter Box – This guy is even worse than Mr. Swole Thumbs. He will talk and talk and talk and distract you from your workout. He do not understand body language and that both of my feet pointing in the opposite direction means “shut up I want to leave.” He will continue to babble until you verbally tell him to stop or you put your headphones back in and just walk away. It is best not to make eye contact with this guy.
Mr. Mirror – “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall…who’s the buffest of them all?” You see this guy spending more time looking in the mirror than actually lifting weights. He flexes, he fixes his hair, and he blows himself kisses, all the while he’s blocking the mirror while you’re trying to check your form. The next time you see this guy staring in the mirror just go ahead and stand in front of him.
Mr. Lazy Ass -This guy doesn’t re-rack his weights; he has zero respect for the rest of the people in the gym If its light enough for you to workout with, its light enough to put back.
Mr. Modest – The men’s locker room, at most gyms, is a pretty unsightly scene. You’ll find Mr. Modest strutting around with his towel over his shoulder and his boys swinging in the breeze. If you’re really lucky he will stop to have a conversation with you and he’ll put one foot up on a bench. This guy is the reason my gaze is always slightly up whenever I’m in a locker room.
The Inventor – There are hundreds of awesome and effective exercises out there yet this guy keeps trying to make up his own. This is the guy you’ll look over at and say “WTF”?! This is usually some bastardized combination of 2 or 3 different exercises–you know, for maximal gains but is usually nothing more than a waste of time at best and an injury at worst. There are tons of YouTube videos of this guy.
The Creeper – Most people go to the gym to workout and get healthy. This guy comes to try and score. He can be found either lurking around the squat racks or cardio room not really doing a whole lot of anything but staring. The most annoying breed of the Creeper will try to talk to you when you clearly not interested and have your headphones in.
Mr. Know It All – You know this guy all too well. He is the mediocre bodied chump at the water fountain trying to tell you how to lift, what to eat, and what supplements you need. Whenever someone is trying to tell you what to do look at the source. If this guy is telling you xyz will get you ripped and he isn’t ripped himself there’s something wrong.
Thunder – BOOM! That familiar echo of weights slamming on the floor that reverberates through the gym as Thunder finishes his set. No matter the weight and no matter the exercise this guy triumphantly slams down the iron to alert those around him that a complete jackass is in the vicinity and to beware.
Too Much Cologne – Nothing is worse than running on the treadmill and the goon next to you smells like he bathed in cologne. Every time you inhale his cologne makes you more and more nauseous until you give up and have to move.
This pretty much rounds out the top list of my pet peeves in the gym. Connect with me on Facebook.com/MikeKneuer82 and let me know if I missed yours!